Insomnia…Repost from 2012.

via Insomnia…Repost from 2012.

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Insomnia…Repost from 2012.

Insomnia

I’ve been awake for hours. Can’t sleep.

My mind is racing

and

it’s now 4am

and

all I really want is a Black Girlfriend. Love that song.

I digress.

It’s now only 4:05.

I start my day 6:30 and I may not get to sleep before 5.

Damn.

If only I could calm this delirious flow of energy that keeping me from

Mistress Sleep.

If only I could stop thinking about all the inconsequential bullshit…it ain’t really that

deep.

If only I could close my eyes and let my mind be at

ease.

If only it weren’t 4:08am and I’m sitting here typing a poem only a few will

read.

I have to laugh at myself because I’m my biggest fan.

Here comes the morning but no sign of the Sandman.

My skin is tan.

See how the mind wanders when it’s sleep deprived?

When, Oh When will my mistress arrive?

Come to me O’ dusky maiden.

Cover my eyes.

I want to sleep…but I can’t

because

I have insomnia.

Ain’t. No. Half-Steppin’.

“I never halfstep coz I’m not a halfstepper.” Phife

I realize that I’m that person who doesn’t operate in measures. I’m all in or not at all. The people I’ve dealt with romantically don’t always get it. Either I like you or I don’t. If I like you, I express it. Some think it’s me coming on too strong or that I’m being aggressive. But, I don’t think that’s true.

Folks say that they’re tired of playing games. I don’t play games. Like I said, I honestly express how I feel but that seems to confuse people. Maybe confuse is the wrong word. It throws them off, in my opinion.

Maybe people are so accustomed to certain behavior that any divergence from the norm can be jarring. I don’t know…but, I can only be me.

I have faith that someone will not only get me but appreciate my extremes.

Practical Manifestation.

When I began planning our show, Art Mama Moves, I must say…I was a bit overwhelmed. But never one to give up, I decided to go the Napoleon Hill/ Earl Nightingale route. I knew what I wanted…so I wrote it down. Several times, actually.

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Following the advice of Napoleon, I wrote down my goal on index cards. On the back of each card I wrote something to the affect of, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will open for you”. This is not a religious thing. It’s a manifestation thing and it works for me.

Our show was a success and we have more shows in the works. I continue to write on these cards and I’ve found that this keeps me focused on my goal…which is of course to promote the Art Mamas and our work. I love doing this and I am motivated constantly. So, the notes to self/ motivational cards have been  AWESOME manifestation tools as far as reaching this material goal is concerned.

What about my personal, romantic goals? The last time I manifested a relationship, I listed…nope…brainstormed a bunch of things that I thought were important. My must haves. From this, I actually met someone who met most of my criteria if not all. I used to kick myself for not adding “no Scorpios” to the list…but I didn’t. I met a Scorpio. It did not end well.

Now I realize it wasn’t that the act of brainstorming that was flawed. It was that I wasn’t asking for what I really wanted. Partly because I didn’t know what I wanted.

 

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So, now I’m starting to write my relationship goals on index cards and put them in places where I can see them. These little reminders will be my tools to stay focused on the relationship I have with myself as well as the relationship that I’d like to share with someone else.

Wish me luck!