Living My Best Life. It’s Possible!

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My current situation is that I am still a work in process. At this moment I am an unemployed teacher, single mom, artist, writer and frustrated member of this society. Now, see how I listed the ‘negative’ aspects of my life first? It wasn’t intentional. I just started listing who I am at this moment.

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This is what we do. Usually, we focus on what’s wrong in our lives instead of what’s good. As humans in this modern-day life experience, our lives have been guided by: other’s expectations, societal ‘norms’ and other outside forces. Why? We GIVE these forces outside of ourselves the power to control us. How disappointing to come into this life happy and carefree, only to conform to the unhappiness around us.

Life doesn’t have to be this way. As I sit here, pondering life in the morning light of my second mother’s house, I refuse to accept a feeling of failure. Last week, I was made aware that someone, ironically a woman who shares the same birthday as me, had been giving me bad references. I’d been on a series of interviews that seemed successful but offers of employment were being rescinded. This made me angry, frustrated and disappointed. All I’ve ever wanted to do is teach but my efforts to do so seemed to be thwarted at every turn.

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For a few days I was despondent and inconsolable. I felt like a victim, which is not a very empowering way to feel. So, now, I’m taking my power back. I know what I must do and the only way to succeed is to use the tools at my disposal.

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I’ve had the best life coaches and I found many of them online. One good thing about this digital world is that information is accessible, easy to find and shareable. Over the years I’ve followed videos by: Louise Hay, Napoleon Hill, Wayne Dyer, Earl Nightingale and others. I’ve been a member of empowerment groups, personal development groups and spiritual groups. I’ve consulted shamans and sages. Been to sweats and churches. I know what to do. So now is the time to do it…and I hope that this journey will resonate with others and inspire them to do it, too.

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Self-Empowerment is a lifestyle. A choice. A state of being. I’ve been on the train so many times and got sidetracked. I’ve found that a mixture of short term and long-term goals may be the key.

For the next thirty days, I will set daily goals that put me on a path to accomplish my long-term goal. This journey is part journal, part methodology and part following my inner guidance. I’m excited about this and look forward to successfully accomplishing what I want.

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Day Thirty-Something: All I Know is It’s Saturday.

Ok. Third Eye Chakra Week has been Intensely…Calm yet Weird. Like, I don’t know what’s happening kind of weird. Not in a bad way, I’ve just been in an oddly calm almost ambivalent yet curious mood. Maybe it’s because with this chakra, I’m supposed to reconciling my physical and spiritual bodies. Hmmm…like I said, all I know is it’s Saturday.

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It’d been a long time since I could remember my dreams. I’m sure it’s because a few years ago I was having apocalyptic, Mad Max type dreams that felt so real that I threw up a block. Those dreams were of me trying to find my oldest son, who was away at college, but fighting of all kinds of crazy people and situations while on this journey. Sometimes, my youngest son was with me and other times, I was alone. Fighting…everything, to save my family. I’d wake up with a start. In a panic, and truly afraid. I wanted to write off as a fear of Mr. Ako leaving for school…but, is that really what happened?

 

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How does this relate to Third Eye Chakra Week? Well, the other night I decided that for Third Eye Chakra Week I wanted to try dreaming again. I did dream…but it was another dream that made me wake up with a start. This time involving my younger son. I rescued him and some other little boys from a sexual predator. I just remember screaming at the man, “Did you have sex with my son?”, over and over before I shot him. When I shot him, I woke up with a scream on my lips…but didn’t make a sound.

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What does all of this mean? All I know is that I am not in love with these fear-based scenarios and I think that I’m supposed to face them. Apparently, in my dreams I’ve become a protector determined to save my children. Like I said, this could use some study. I shouldn’t be afraid to dream…but, this is pretty intense.

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Remember that movie, Dreamscape? That was one of my favorite movies as a kid. We had cable and whenever it came on, I was all about it. I wonder if that technology is available now. I think it would be good to get some help. Wasn’t Dennis Quaid also in Innerspace? Hmm…what does he know?

 

Day Twenty-Seven: Well, Damn Girl! Do You Ever NOT Have an Opinion?

It’s Tuesday, again. What can I say? I’ve been super busy. Heart Chakra Week just happened to be the week of Mr. Amir’s birthday, subsequent party, as well as our Date Night Paint and Sip.

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Everything was groovy, but a sister is tired! I mean so tired I couldn’t sleep last night.
But, my Throat Chakra? Oh, she’s been having a lot to say.

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So much so that I considered making today a Digital Free Day because I was ranting on social media all day yesterday. I mean just squawk, squawk, squawk! Well, I’m having a day free of social media tomorrow to celebrate Hump Day. I gotta reign this girl in!
Election time on social media has been an orgy of negativity for the past ten years or so. Everybody has such strong opinions…including me. I’ve been able to escape the trigger pit for a while, so this descent into Election Year Madness is something that kind of snuck up on me.

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So, while I’m trying to muzzle this overactive communication thing, maybe it’s best if I go into classic Cancer hermit mode. Yes. I to think that’s best. Will I remember to refrain from the Devil’s clutches? If you see me on FB, be a pal and tell me to stop. I appreciate it.

Day Twenty: Heart Chakra Could Use a Boost

It’s Tuesday and I’m still trying to muster up some Heart Chakra inspiration. I’ve eaten green food. I’m currently listening to a Heart Chakra “YAM” chants and I wore green AND pink today. Why am I not feeling the quickening that I felt last week? I think this is a sign that I need some healing or alignment in this area.

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Well, that’s the point of this journey…right? Now that I’ve found a weak link in the chain, so to speak, time to strengthen it. Now. Where to begin? I think that I started the process last full moon when I released a lot of energy and people from my heart. Maybe it’s time to fill it back up with someone special?


Who knows? Maybe healing my heart chakra and healing my heart are part of this identity I’ve created for myself. It’s hard to explain but I think it all begins with developing a brand-new outlook when it comes to love, romance and my expectations of both.

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Maybe my heart chakra healing has nothing to do with romance at all. Maybe, I’m supposed to continue working on this alignment journey in general and love of self is the romance I seek. I don’t know, that seems kind of defeatist to me.


Personally, and I’m no guru, I think that my journey is a combination of self-love and romantic love…but I’m a Cancer. That’s how I’m made. It’s a good thing to know oneself before embarking on a love journey. I don’t fight my nature anymore. In fact, I embrace it. Trying to assimilate didn’t work before so, change is due…right?

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Anyway, these musings help. I can articulate my feelings in a constructive way instead of wandering the hallways of my mind without a way to get out. Alright, Heart Chakra Week.
Let’s Get It Together.

Day Eighteen: Solar Plexus Ackee and Saltfish

Talk about yellow food! It’s Sunday and Solar Plexus Week has moved into Heart Chakra Week…but Mr. Albert made Ackee and Saltfish.

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For those that don’t know, Ackee and Saltfish is yellow, salty and soft. He serves it with slices of fried breadfruit. Yum! It’s like traveling to Jamaica without buying a ticket. Vacation food on a regular day. Perfect.

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Solar Plexus Week has been a lot like that dish. Yummy and Delightful…with a little salt for flavor. I feel so empowered! To be honest, in the past, solar plexus week wasn’t always smooth. Mainly because I didn’t really understand my solar plexus.

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This time, I jumped in with both hands in front of me and learned a lot in the process. I’m more Aretha than Amy Winehouse and I love it. RESPECT for me, my worth and my decisions. I can listen to the advice of others but be true to myself. It’s a powerful thing, self-worth.

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So, like I said, it’s a beautiful and sunny day in South Florida. I’m about to head out, hit the gym and possibly make some art. Yesterday, I spent the day painting an old hubcap that I found on the side of the road. It became part of my solar plexus journey.
In the words of the beautiful, bodacious Ms. Nina Simone, “It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day…and I’m feeling good.”

Day Fifteen: Everything’s Yellow!

It’s Thursday, so I am of course at the gallery…where I love to be. Seriously, I am probably the busiest person I know without a typical job. Wait…not true. Most of my friends don’t have typical jobs. Cool! I like that about us.

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We can’t always vibe together, but we aren’t in a hurry to vibe with the average joe either. Besides, the average joe kind of sucks.

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That wasn’t always the case but since the advent of Trump World…people who call themselves average joes are decidedly patriarchal racists. So, there’s that…but back to me and my loving community of weirdos, artists and eccentrics.


Solar Plexus Week will make a sister focus! I mean, I don’t ever think I’ve been this truly introspective. Turning BLANKETY BLANK BLANK years old has really caused me to look outside myself for the first time. I’ve been trying to situate myself into spaces that aren’t meant for me. Now…I feel free enough to really question and analyze me. The ME I am. The ME I present. The Me I Am Becoming.

Manipura chakra infographic. Third, solar plexus chakra symbol description and features. Information for kundalini yoga
Manipura chakra infographic. Third, solar plexus chakra symbol description and features. Information for kundalini yoga practice

It’s Beautiful.

Day Fourteen: C’mon, Full Moon!

Solar Plexus Week…Whew!

Tomorrow is only Thursday and I’ve been low-key stressed a little. I think it’s me fighting the urge to second guess myself. Hmmm…maybe, that’s not exactly. It could be inflammation from the accident, stress or both. Whatever’s happening…this here glass of rose’ should vent the heat a little.

I’ve been really proactive about focusing on my solar plexus chakra work. I watched a video by Teal Swan today and enjoyed her way of presenting the information. Informal yet knowledgeable. I did this while shopping at Wal-Mart. I don’t feel guilty about shopping there. It’s just kind of like The Grapes of Wrath. The lighting makes everything feel like it’s coated in Soylent Green.

Anyway. So, I worked out twice today. That worked out because I ate ice cream, marshmallow cookies and fried chicken.

YOLO!

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It’s time for some lemon water to help settle all of that debauchery… but, hey. Lemons are yellow and yellow foods make Solar Plexus Chakra happy! See? Providence.

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So, since it’s written I better get on making that lemon water. Like I’ve said before, this Chakra Cycle is Amazing.

I Don’t Even Know What Today Is…But I’ll Go With Day Twelve.

Time is an illusion anyway, isn’t it? It’s Solar Plexus Week and I am Loving It. Lessons that I needed to really apply, because I kinda already learned them, have presented themselves…and it’s only Tuesday.

 
First, I learned a while back that sex without any really intimacy is a waste of time. I’ve also learned to listen and ask questions when someone offers sex to me. I don’t want to waste my time getting dirty, faking pleasure and driving home unfulfilled. I am soooo glad that I am smart enough to apply this knowledge instead of recreating tragic scenes from my 20’s. In fact, that may be the title for my next movie, “Tragic Scenes from My 20’s”. It’d be an emo-comedy/ after school special.


So, I turned down the sex. One, I knew it’d be bad because he kept saying things that didn’t sound like he’d even considered my pleasure. What gives dude? If I just wanted someone to shove a foot-long pole in me, I could do that myself…and that is not sexy to me. I feel proud of myself, too. I didn’t slink away. I actually had an empowering conversation with said dude. I let him know that what he was offering was not interesting to me in the slightest. He seemed to take it in stride. If not, I did… and if he can be selfish, I can be cavalier.

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Solar Plexus work is like that, I guess. I even said to him, “The Universe got jokes,” and chuckled a little. I’m loving this chakra cycle. I feel myself growing. Who knew? I’m learning myself after all of this time.

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