Black Dynamite!

Yes! There will be Black Dynamite on Adult Swim this summer! I can’t wait. Adult Swim has been ridiculous for years. My only reason to tune is The Boondocks. I can’t do all that other nasty, borderline pedophile shit they play otherwise. Anyway, I digress.

I felt the need to leave the house and work this morning. The beach or B&N? The bookstore won even though in the past the beach was just too big of a draw. So, I walk inside and a woman greets me. Turns out our congressman, Marco Rubio, will be here today. Damn. I should’ve brought some tomatoes.

I have to pass the magazine section to get to the filling station, Starbucks, and spotted an anime black man with an afro and bullet is between his teeth. Black Dynamite is on the cover of Juxtapoz magazine. You know I bought it.

So now I’m jazzed! I can’t wait to see it. Black Dynamite is my BABY DADDY. lol.

Back to work, now.

Should be an interesting day.

Black Dynamite

The King of Pentacles.

“The King of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in responsibility. I surround myself with the conditions I wish to create and therefore have everything I need to be successful and independent according to my values and purpose. I consider the welfare of others and am a master in production. I am empowered by, and it is my honor to be, generous in offering or reproducing security, stability, and protection by my virile and reliable example. My assets are perennial trust, respect, and validation that is well deserved.”

     AWESOME.

     Over the past few months, so much emotion bubbled over and I floundered, at times, while attempting to make sense of it all. I’ve learned two things so far though.  Do the best I can and take control of my life, guide the ship instead of just riding the waves.

     One way to do that is to “surround myself with the conditions I wish to create”. I’ve already started that process. Taking martial arts with my family builds character & strength. It’s so amazing that we do it together! Three generations becoming physically healthy and mentally strong. That’s a condition that I love to be surrounded in, feels good inside and out. Which is what this journey is all about, right?

       Basically, I must create an atmosphere within myself of calm detachment, ambition, empathy, passion and strength. I’m doing this by surrounding myself with goal oriented, ambitious, friendly yet professional people who get things done. It ignites a spark within me when I am able to share intellectual yet productive conversations with like minded folks. It’s a great way to exercise the mind and senses.

     This card has inspired me to make it my theme of the day. As our sensei taught us yesterday, “Create a goal and visit it often.” Sounds like great advice to me!

Thank You, Universal Intelligence!

There are so many names we call you but we all feel you just the same.

Ashe

Amen

Feelings of Good

Social Networking?

     I know how  I view Facebook. To me, it should  be a meeting of the minds…a think tank. Although there are some traces of what could be interpreted as just that, it’s disappointing to know that the minds that are thinking this stuff in the tank are so…limited.

     Why do we call what most of us do on the internet Social Networking? I mean, we do network but should we really? Should cyber socializing replace the tangibility of feeling someone out? Is it better to have a hunch before learning too much of someone’s propaganda?

     So many times I’ve met people online whose ‘social network’ persona was the antithesis of what they were in Real Time. It disappointed me because I realized I’d forgotten that the digital world is just a game. It’s only a game of ‘let’s pretend’ inside a larger game of ‘this is reality as you know it’. So,I’ve observed that it’s time for me to come out of the rabbit hole and manifest some miracles in my reality, what ever that may be.

     Going off the grid can be quite exhilirating. Whenever I’ve set aside a day to just create and unplug from all of the drama in the digital world, I’ve had the most amazing experiences. Yesterday, I used a tarot deck for the first time. That was a lot for me. I am conquering my fear of the unknown. If I hadn’t pulled myself into the real world of ME, I wouldn’t have tapped into that other world of mystery. Very potent stuff for a recovering self derision specialist.

     So, I’ve decided to dedicate my Wednesdays to being digital distraction free. No internet radio, no computer time period. Just me, a pen and a pad…maybe some music on a small hand held, we’ll see. Definitely an escape from technology. My day to tune in to something higher than myself for answers.

And So It Is.

I want to take you to my hood, introduce you to my peeps.

I had fresh baked pita, straight out of the oven, for the first time today. So delicious! The halal market up the street from my house built a brick oven inside and ever since I’ve been in love.

I love that my hood is so international. There’s a place called The Oriental Bakery on one corner that sells delicious yummy cakes and treats. There’s a ton of Jamaican and Haitian restaurants. A little further up there’s a Trini spot that serves fresh roti…que lastima! I may have to detox again soon. lol.

I love that I can  have Cuban, Chinese, Moroccan, Thai, Vietnamese, Mexican, Puerto Rican and Japanese anytime of the week without driving across town. I love that today it was 97degrees when I went outside and there’s an Italian Ice stand that makes fresh stuff daily…just a hop, skip and a jump down the road. It’s urban nirvana…for foodies.

Yum! 

She Crab Soup

I was in the quaqmire of emotion this morning.  Then I spotted an Abraham Hicks video that a friend posted on Facebook. I’d heard of Abraham Hicks but never read or heard anything for myself. Imagine my surprise when a woman’s voice began speaking to me.

The video talked about reality and our need to shift focus in order to attract what we want. It resonated with me. I am now a fan.

I retract my statements from earlier this morning. My focus is shifted and I am raising my vibration.

Stepping forward into my destiny. Seeing isn’t always believing. Thank You Abraham Hicks.

Good vs Evil

What is negative energy but evil? My best friend asked me that question today. She made the point that some people are just inherently evil and it’s my responsibility to recognize that evil people exist.

I believe that everyone has the capacity to be good. To shine bright. To be enlightened. Even if that person does vile and despicable things, he or she may still have an essence of pure goodness somewhere. But, recently, I’ve been bombarded on all sides with evil also known as negative energy.

Now, it’s time to choose teams. It was easy to remove my self from certain social circles in an attempt to avoid evil. In some ways it’s worked but the change hasn’t been drastic enough. Now it’s time to just establish Team Crystal and only trust that scant few.

That’s not so easy. There are people who feel more comfortable floating in some form of neutrality. In other instances that would be  fine with me. But in the fight between good and evil, you’re either on one team or the other. That’s the truth as I see it.

So, I finally realize that there are some truly evil people in this world. People who come to you with what seems like love but really is just a vampiric absorption of your energy. People who can get close to you just so they can hurt you over and over. People who may not realize that they are evil but just are.

I am good. The people who love me tell me I’m good. People who don’t know me tell me I’m good. I feel that I really exude positive energy most of the time.

The times I’ve struggled have been when my energy clashes with someone elses.  Not every energy that clashes with mine is evil. But, every once and a while it simply comes down to good vs evil.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Lukewarm water…heating up in a cauldron.

Ever just have one of those days?  I had that day today. I don’t know if I feel pain, heartbreak, sorrow, free, shocked or sad. My mentor died. His mother called me crying her heart out. I feel so bad for her and I feel guilty for not staying in contact with him more although I knew he was very ill. The kyoshi at our dojo committed suicide and now there’s a pending pedophile investigation…supposedly. I didn’t hear the news from an official source. A friend told me.

To put the cherry on the shit cake, I had another round of emotional interchanges with someone I need to just forget. Was it only yesterday that we made peace? I was optimistic about our friendship. We just don’t mesh and need to stay away from each other. I have deleted myself from yet another group and potential circle of friends because I just can’t take it.

So, at this moment I am listening to healing meditation music. I need to work on my novel for the 30 Day Book Writing Challenge…and I will. I just need a minute’s peace. Hopefully venting in this blog will help blow off some steam. Send me some Love and Light, please.

This Crab’s swimming in some pretty turbulent waters…and everyone knows crabs are not great swimmers.

Iola

Iola.

Iola

    I was researching character names for my new novel and decided to look up my grandmother’s name. My grandmother was one of my closest friends. She was blunt and loving and always honest, sometimes brutally so, and I love her. Her name is Iola Lewis. She has transitioned .

     But, I feel her presence all of the time. I miss her and yet she’s always here. In my memories as well as around me in the air. Her love settles itself in my heart every time it beats. Much of what I know about her past is a collection of her memories and stories of folks who knew her before I did. She’s known for being a bit ornery and little sensitive. Sounds a lot like someone I know quite well. Me. lol.

     I walked some of the same streets she must have in Brooklyn last November.  A few short days before I arrived, there’d been a crazy snow storm.  God is Good, eh? While I was there, the weather was sunny and clear…even abnormally so for that time of year if I remember correctly. I felt her strongly then. I felt as if I had the opportunity to feel why she decided to spend 38 years of her life there. She was with me.

     So, I’m still pondering names for my characters. I think I’ve chosen at least one though. 

Iola.

It means ‘violet colored dawn’. 

Crazytown! lol.

This one’s to you, you CRAZY BITCH.

I couldn’t sleep last night so I watched John Carter. It had a decent story line (nothing original but held my attention) but I got the feeling that it could’ve been better if someone other than Disney was in charge of it.

It’s obvious that I was up late, way into the witching hour. My Facebook was hacked so I took a peek through a wormhole, so to speak, and read something quite disturbing. In fact, by the time I  was done reading it my ire was through the roof!

Wow. I couldn’t believe it. Will this bitch ever tire of torturing me? Apparently not. Since she blocked me on Facebook, I was unaware of the new short story she was writing. It’s all about how we met and our really short  relationship began. About how tortured she was with being attracted to me but already in love with someone else. All that R&B bullshit everyone’s already heard about in a Jodeci song, why rewrite the lyrics here? Blah. Blah. Blah.

Here I am trying to put this woman out of my mind and she’s reveling in how deceitful her actions were when we were together. The reason she blocked me is because I’d written something in a public forum about my reaction to a conversation we’d had the night before. I didn’t mention her name. I really didn’t intend for her to take it personally, the thought never crossed my mind that she’d be insulted. Oh but she was, she was very insulted.

Insulted to the point that knowing I’d be on a field trip with my son all day, she went onto my post and lambasted me for about 6 hours. I was all kinds of crazy hoes and bitches. I was defenseless. Someone called me to tell me that I didn’t deserve what happened and I was like, huh?

To make a long story short, it was ugly. Very ugly. But, for some reason we were able to try and rekindle our friendship. Why would I even want to be friends with someone who humiliated me in a public of my peers? I remembered the good times. I longed for them. We had some of my favorite walks on the beach ever but those walks will never be again.

As part of our agreement, she blocked me and I was happy. I wouldn’t have to be insulted or take her words personally and she wouldn’t have a reason to rake me over the coals of hell for whatever I may write. Cool. But, of course this didn’t last long before we entered into a Dominant/Submissive relationship.

This was not my finest hour. I accepted the agreement out of curiosity and that feeling of “I’m close to 40 and need more experiences” feeling.  It was ok in a physical sense, nothing to write home about. But when it began to seep over into our friendship, I just couldn’t take it anymore. We can not be friends. We don’t have to be enemies but we can’t be friends.

Look at what happens when I lower my guard. Now, she’s writing about me in the same forum, before the same people that she humiliated me in front of before. The same people who showed me  NO friendship or support while my reputation and name were in need of some back up. The same group I decided to leave because I was tired of being free entertainment.

But apparently writing about Crystal is fun and cool! Let’s just reopen all the old wounds and throw salt on them again. It shouldn’t bother her because I blocked her and she shouldn’t be able to read it anyway. No holds barred! It’s a party! WooHoo, bitch.

I feel abused. I feel indignant. I feel angry.

But, now that I’ve written it all down, I can go on with my day.

This must be how venting feels.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.