Friends and Assholes
A friend finds a way to tell you the things you need to hear to your face.
I like friends.
A friend will wait for you, even if you jump out of her car in the rain because you’re arguing, and not leave you stranded in the middle of the night.
I like friends.
A friend knows how to comfort you when your heart is broken or even if you’re just being a brat.
I like friends.
A friend will stop you from making bad decisions when you’ve been drinking.
I like friends.
A friend stands next to you in a battle and lies next to you when you’ve been beaten.
I like friends.
A friend applauds even when your performance sucks ass.
I like friends.
What’s the opposite of a friend? We all have one.
An asshole.
An asshole will smile in your face and talk shit about you behind your back.
I don’t like assholes.
An asshole will like all your statuses and then tell their friends that your words are stupid.
I don’t like assholes.
An asshole will pretend to like you when you know that they really don’t.
I don’t like assholes.
An asshole will say, “You’re cool.” when you’re around but as soon as you turn the corner, she says, “I hate that bitch.”
I don’t like assholes.
The truth is most assholes don’t like themselves either.
Their self-hatred makes them spew bullshit.
But that’s what assholes are, right? Shit tunnels.
Which is why I don’t eat chittlins.
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