When I’m hurt, I lash out. It’s not my finest quality. Apparently my stings, pinches and roars have quite the affect on my relationships with new people. It’s unfortunate that I am expected to step outside of my nature to appease the egos of others. Maybe I could be a leopard who changes her spots but…I kinda like being the Crab Scorpion Lion that I am.
Could I be nicer in the face of pain? Yes. I admit that it is not pretty to be on the receiving end of my reaction to painful stimuli. As a crab, I protect my inner self. So when I’ve let someone breach the shell I’ve created around the soft center of me, I feel exposed.The crab retreats and lets the lion roar. Lion me cries loudly, rants and talks a lot of shit…but it’s the scorpions sting that kills many a developing friendship.
I sting when I’m hurt. I try not too…but it’s like the fable of the scorpion and the frog. A frog and a scorpion both need to cross a river, the frog puts the scorpion on it’s back and begins swimming. The scorpion stings the frog. The frog cries out, “Why would you sting me? Now we’ll both die.” The scorpion says, “It’s my nature.”
It’s my nature. But in this instance, I want to learn how to control my sting. Some people genuinely deserve to be stung by me. Some do not. They simply are experiencing their on humanity and make mistakes as we all do. These people don’t deserve to be stung for simply being human. That’s part of my soul work. To know when to sting.
On this path of growth I walk, I expect so many things to happen immediately. They do not. It takes work and the development of new habits, of new agreements. I long to do better, truly. It’s just that sometimes my primal nature erupts from the depths of me and takes over. Part of my soul work is to control that reaction…and I’m learning. But I haven’t perfected a technique yet, so bear with me.