Tropical Storm Averted…and I don’t mean Isaac.

We battened down the hatches. Dragged all of the furniture indoors and stocked the pantry, for good reason, a storm was headed this way.

Not to mention I got my period (JOY) and my very first art show was scheduled to happen the night before the tornado was due to hit.

But…my art show was AWESOME. My friends braved the weather, which turned out to be pretty mellow, to be there for me. My really, really good friend’s birthday was the same night and she had some Amazing work in the show too! We partied, painted and laughed all night…regardless of the weather. Not even Aunt Flow could get me down this time!  As The Ancients would say, “What an auspicious evening.” Yes, indeed it was a great night.

Since we’re in the process of moving, my oldest son and I loaded up the truck to take a load to our new spot. When we got home, the newscaster announced that school had been cancelled for Monday in lieu of the coming hurricane.

I don’t know who was happier. Me or the boys. YES. I get to sleep in on Monday! Woo Hoo!

Sunday was a cold, wet mess. So, we stayed in and chillaxed for the day. Foregoing any moving until Monday in honor of having the day free. I can’t even remember what we did yesterday…but I do remember doing it in my pajamas.

Today was Monday. The family (boys, grandparents and me) all drove over to transport beds and furniture from storage to new home. It was messy business. All of us were soaked but in relatively high spirits. Afterwards I came home and had a realization.

Let it go. Let it all go.

The anger and resentment I’d felt after having my heartbroken.

The resulting pain and suffering I kept subjecting myself to because I continued to hold on to  feelings of abandonment and self deprecation.

Let it go. Be Thankful.

I have a loving family. Beautiful kids. Friends who care and want to spend time with me…because we enjoy each other.

I always intend to rise above it all and focus on positivity…but recently I’d slipped into that old Cancer trait of dwelling on past hurts, insecurity and depression.
So…I’ve checked myself. It’s time to snap out of it! There’s a great big, beautiful world around me and I want to live in it.

It may rain. The wind may blister my skin and burn my eyes. I may get banged up and bruised…but dammit! Life is beautiful.

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Another one Bites the Dust.

queen

Real Talk. Why do folks say stupid ass shit like, “If we aren’t romantic, does that mean we can’t be friends?”.

Duh…Yeah. That’s what it means. If we started out in a romantic way but you changed your mind midcourse, why the HELL do you think I want to keep hangin’ around like some sad, sick, desperate puppy. Puh-leez. Miss me with that one (learned that from someone I used to date…who ironically forgot to tell me about their out of town GIRLFRIEND).

Maybe I’m just too honest for most people. Maybe I just don’t give a flying fuck. But, WHY? Why would I do that…again. I did that in my 20’s. Thank GOD that time has passed. I used to be all gothic and depressed, hoping that the asshole who lead me on would reconsider and see ME for the AWESOME woman that I am. It never happens. They never come around. They just use you to talk to when they’re bored or in between their ‘serious’ prospects. (Thanks for teaching me that lesson, Alfred). I am nobody’s second choice or used napkin. Don’t expect me to hang around waiting for more torture. I am not a masochist.

So in the words of the great Freddie Mercury, “Another one gone, Another one gone…another one bites the dust.” Thanks, Queen. I knew that song would come in handy one day.

lol.

BFF, Dating Blahs and Stinky Cheese.

I love having an Aries best friend. She helps me keep things in their proper perspective. When I’m down about a love interest or upset because my sensitive crab heart is hurting, she gives me the best advice. My favorite quotes of hers are the ones that sound like,”Really? That person wasn’t good enough for you anyway.” and “Crystal, most of the people you date are not as smart as you so why do you expect so much from them?”. I love that about her. I love her Aries-ness. I want to be more like her sometimes. I think a healthy dose of not giving a shit would be good for me.

True story. I met someone about a month ago. We clicked and all of my vacation in Atlanta, we talked and made plans to go out upon my return. Our first night out, she takes me to a party and proceeds to ignore me all night. Who does that? I still kinda like her though. Hence the dilemma.

My bff says, “I didn’t want to say anything but she doesn’t deserve your attention.” She also tells me to stop settling for bullshit people. I know she’s right but I’ve been a bullshit magnet for so long, how do I turn it off? What’s a Crab to do?

I want to meet someone, fall in love and run off into the sunset. Is that to much to ask? Maybe I need to change playgrounds again. But, no matter where I run…the bullshit seems to follow. ARGH. Is it too late for me?

By the way, I love stinky cheese. It is delicious. I recently had some cheese so stinky my eight year old ran from the kitchen in disgust. Finally! I’ve found a snack that never comes up missing when I put in the fridge.

One day love will be like stinky cheese. There when I want it and oh, so yummy goin’ down. lol

21 Days of Meditation…and then some.

Finishing the Deepak Chopra 21 Day Meditation Challenge was a breeze…kinda. Since beginning this spiritual journey, I’ve accepted a few challenges, set a few goals and explored a variety of methods to learn self love. The road hasn’t always been smooth. Hell, to tell you the truth, I have screwed the pooch royally more than once. But as MC Hammer would say, “It’s all good.”

What’s good about it? Making changes in my life doesn’t mean I’ve become Divine. It doesn’t mean I have all of the answers. What is does mean is that I’ve discovered new ways to manage my stress and explore my spirituality.

“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7

This is how I speak to myself now. With words of love, not words of self derision or despair. I’ve learned to love myself even when I’m the cause of chaos in my life. It’s all good because no matter what I’ve done or what someone else has done that affects me, in the center of it all is that spark of light my Creator placed inside my heart. No one, not even me, can douse that flame. Isn’t that awesome?

The soundtrack of my spiritual journey is filled with guided meditations, binaurals, water sounds and throat singing. Listening to loving voices with good intentions helps me to center myself on this raft and float down this river of Life. If nothing else, meditation makes me feel good. That’s what it’s all about, right? Feeling good. Loving Life. Enjoying my time on Earth.

Namaste.