You’re Doin’ Too Much, Honey.

You’re Doin’ Too Much, Honey..

You’re Doin’ Too Much, Honey.

Yesterday seemed to whiz by so quickly! I went to work and came home  with the intention to finish my four daily tasks. That was my intent but that’s not how it went.

My mom in-law and The Round Head Boy are traveling to pick up  Mr. Ako today. My art show is also today. I guess I feel guilty for not going with them. Headache stimulus # 1.

It is my daily practice to do four things every day. I write this blog. I create, conceive or finish at least one art piece and I work on my novel. I also develop my product idea. When I do these things every day, I feel accomplished and happy. Most of those didn’t happen yesterday…Headache Inducer #2.

I did however keep one promise. I promised The Round Head Boy that I’d play Monopoly with him. He was so excited about going to pick his brother up from school that he couldn’t sit still. I think he just wanted to hang out one on one with Mom before bringing his big brother home.  I love my boys. They’re growing up so fast and a Monopoly promise must be kept. I wanted the impending headache to go away. It didn’t.

After a couple of hours, I had to call it quits. The headache had gotten too painful and I had to lay down. I thought I could get by with a nap so I could still get up before midnight and get my stuff done. Grabbing a bag of frozen peas to use as an icepack for my forehead, I snuggled under the covers and fell fast asleep…for the night. I woke up with warm peas stuck to my face.

So today is a new day. I felt some guilt for not finishing my list…but I’m over it. I am only one person. Sometimes…girl has to lay it down.

My art show is today! Yay! I’ll be live painting  during ArtWalk and I can feel a slight headache trying to develop. Damn you, Allergens and Stress! You will not defeat me. Walgreens, Here I Come! This is a good day and I’m gonna have fun, make art and revel in the sunshine.

Yep. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Pulling The Brakes On The Crazy Train.

Pulling The Brakes On The Crazy Train..

Pulling The Brakes On The Crazy Train.

I came home from work, ate some cornmeal pudding and set my intention. Today, I decided to meditate.  In fact, I just woke up from that meditation and I feel GREAT.

I just realized that I haven’t practiced meditation for some time. I’ve done a lot of other soul work but my daily meditation routine had been mostly ignored. Yesterday, I thought of meditation but didn’t. The crazy train kept me moving on automatic but today, I made the time. Boy,  I’m glad that I did.

Maybe that’s why I’ve had a difficult time finding my center this past few days. My soul needed a rest. I needed to find that peaceful meadow inside me and allow my spirit to relax, unfettered by the stresses of daily life in The Matrix.

I am now ready to face the many tasks awaiting me. I am centered and cloaked in the robe of positive thinking. The combination of mental and physical rest does a body good, eh?

Off to Create My Own Reality!

My Philosophy.

My Philosophy..

My Philosophy.

Yesterday…I was trippin’ balls.

The psychotropics I prescribed to me in the 90’s made a rare but impressive appearance yesterday. Rare and intense, these period induced flashbacks are like earthquakes;Spilling hot, crazy lava all over  my already unstable mood. The only reason I can admit that today is because I made certain agreements with myself in my 20’s that I still practice in present day life.

1) Never regret anything you’ve ever done. It’s pointless and will only make you feel bad. For example, I knew that the psychotropic substances that I ingested would remain in my spinal fluid for the rest of my life. I knew it and I did them anyway. So, when the occasional hormone induced flashback happens during the throws of an intense moon cycle, accept that shit, work around it and move on.

2) Own up to your to shit. I’m generally pretty honest and basically emotionally translucent so, I’ve found that honesty is the best policy. Trying to remember a lie is too much work.

3) Do Your Best. Before I ever read The Four Agreements, I practiced this one…but I do love that book.

So after yesterday’s earthquake, come the inevitable aftershocks. Today has been a lot better. Mainly because I drank some detox tea, listened to some root chakra frequencies and lowered my caffeine intake. There were some moments but none worth addressing.

Napoleon Hill stresses the point that a positive mental attitude is key to success. He speaks over and over again about focusing on what you want.  I like that way of thinking. Since I’ve started really, really practicing positive action, goals setting and active happiness, my life has improved. Thanks, Coach!  I’ve written and painted and set goals everyday for the past few months. I recommend it, this new way of life. It feels awesome!

What The Hot Diggety Damn? lol.

What The Hot Diggety Damn? lol..

What The Hot Diggety Damn? lol.

OMG.

Today.

I just can’t do this bitch of a day anymore. I’ve felt so many emotions, not to mention cramps, all frickin’ day and I am OVER it.  Ok?

Ok. (Yes I meant to write it twice.)  I know that I have a lot of shit I’m dealing with right now but I still feel guilty about feeling sad. I mean , is it a woman thing? A black woman thing? What is this? Why should I feel guilty for not being chipper all the gotdang time? Ugh.

I really didn’t intend to write these words. I really didn’t…but sometimes stuff just bubbles up and comes out. I have learned to respect this process. It’s not insanity. It’s acceptance of myself as an eccentric and spiritually self absorbed entity. Wait. That may seem insane to some. Well, to those who think I’m crazy, I say, “So what? That’s better than boring. I’ll take me over boring any day of the week. What’s today?”

Anyway…I’m feeling a lot less angsty now that I’ve let off some steam. Guess I just needed to ‘express’. That’s what I used to call those times when I had tantrums.  My need to ‘express’ myself.  I no longer have those.  Now, I blog.

“I Am Grateful. I Really Am. So Why Am I Still Crying?”, was the original title of this post. Now, I’m changing the name to “Another One of Crystal’s Five Minute Rants About Her Frickin’ Feelings…Again”, or something like that.

So…I’m Already Over That Damn Depression.

So…I’m Already Over That Damn Depression..

So…I’m Already Over That Damn Depression.

Less than ten minutes ago, I wrote a seriously depressing post. But, like I stated before, I can be quite moody. I grew bored with that feeling and now I’m doing something else. Follow if you can.

So as I was about to close WordPress.com, I came across something I’d written a while ago with advice from gaygirldatingcoach.com. I went to the site and found an exercise that I will complete right now.

“Imagine that you live in the most beautiful place on earth.”

Ok, I am imagining living by the beach…which I kinda do.

”  Now imagine you’ve met the perfect gay girl for you.”

I’m not sure what she looks like but I know that we’re head over heels into each other. We fit together mentally, physically and emotionally. Our goals in life are simple: to be happy, healthy and in love. Every moment is like a 70’s portrait. Fuzzy and comfortable like an old sock…that smells good.

“Now imagine writing the story of your life as if it were a fairy tale that ends with all of your wishes fulfilled.”

Well…this part will take a while and definitely deserves more attention than I can give it at the moment. Next Step.

” Imagine your ideal life and your ideal partner or girlfriend.”

A day in the life with Crystal and her Ideal Girlfriend would begin with sunrise at the beach. We would watch the sunrise together before heading off to have a delicious yet nutritious breakfast. After eating, we’d probably head home for some cuddle time and a funny movie. Of course there’d be lots of making out before eating again. Then, we’d find something cool to do like go to an art show or a party one of our friends is throwing. After that…back home for more cuddle time before falling asleep.  Perfect.

“Imagine being joyful and happy even when you are alone.”

I enjoy my alone time…most of the time. I paint. I read. I write. Since I have kids, I spend a lot of time with them, which I don’t usually include in ‘alone’ time but since we’re talking about girlfriend stuff…I guess that counts.

“Then when you’ve spent a good 10 – 20 minutes writing and seeing this great movie in your imagination, take a couple of deep slow breathes and then let the vision go.”

Ok. Done.

Time to Let It Go To The Universe.

I feel better already.