In 1992, I was a young, naive and sexually precocious child-woman. My knowledge of the rules of dating was nil…but that didn’t stop me from dating. It was a time of free love and Indo. In my hometown of Atlanta, the Henny was flowing and panties were dropping. It was a good time…except when it wasn’t.
I remember dating and how most of the time it sucked. Yes. I was having sex…but most of the time it wasn’t that great. I remember having relations but not having real relationships. I remember looking for love in all the wrong places and ending up hurt. I didn’t want to live with the bad memories forever so, I blocked most of them out.
But recently, someone from my past digitally wandered back into my life. It’s weird. When we first reconnected, memories of our dealings didn’t come rushing back. They’re still trickling in like soft rain. A little at a time, I’m remembering us. I don’t know why I blocked this situation so completely. I think it’s because I was hurt in some way. I’m sure that must be it.
On the other hand and from another perspective, maybe my lack of confidence kept me from saying what I wanted to say. Instead of walking away under a cloud of assumptions and hurt feelings, if I’d had the balls to step up, maybe things could’ve been different. But…I won’t shoulder all of the responsibility for the past. I can only choose how I deal moving forward.
So we’ve reconnected…and we’re in a relationship now, albeit a long distance one which hasn’t been consummated. It has rules but basically we’re open until we are within 600 miles of each other. It’s a little crazy but I’m going with this. The two of us aren’t exactly brand new. We go back t0 1992.
I’m enjoying this.