Ladies and Gentlemen…Flip Flops and Booty Shorts!

Now I may not be a fashion maven but some things should be common sense, right? But, as my daddy likes to say, “Common since ain’t common” and I have to say  “You know, he may be right”.  Que Lastima.

Last night, Heather and I went to our not so local watering hole. We got kinda dressed up, put on makeup and ventured out into the world of West Palm Beach. What we got when we got there was a bit disappointing. It was like we stumbled into a farmers/hipster/daisy duke convention.

Say Whaaaaat?

I mean hipster boys are already a bit blah to me and they annoy Heather to no end. Shave man! Why are you wearing that damn 1920’s bowler hat with that damn plaid shirt and suspenders? Why? Why? Why Lord, Why? But in their defense, at least the hipster weren’t frickin’ Flip Flops. Grown Ass Men in Flip Flops at a nightclub? Really? Where dey do dat at?

hipster_fucks

I’m gonna tell you where dey do dat at…West Palm Beach and NOWHERE ELSE IN THE G**D**M world. I was a little dismayed by the sheer number of Flip Flops. I mean, they are not the new black or the new shoe option or even for indoor events of any type. But in their defense, at least I couldn’t see their camel toe.

My eyes are still burning from all the camel toe friction. It’s like hot pants went nuclear. I saw all manner of booty short debauchery. Big girls, little girls. Short girls, tall girls. It was like a Calvin Harris song. All kinds of girls with booty shorts…and the shorts were so tight and small that I could see their inner thoughts and emotions. Ewww….Yuck.

One girl bent over and thought I caught a glimpse of her fallopian tubes. But at least she didn’t have dude camel toe.

All I can say is there was a man with tight, orange, silky pants. His pants were so tight. He had man camel toe. It looked painful. He looked happy. I’m not even sure what to say about all of that…except that he seemed well endowed. Again…Ewwwwwww.

I leaned over to Heather, who was totally over that whole scene, and said, “Hey, dude. We should make an album called Flip Flops and Booty Shorts. I bet it’d be a hit!”

We laughed and then left for IHOP, where the breakfast was good and cheap.

The End.

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