I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always. Over the years I’ve started way more novels than I’ve finished and writing this blog has so far been my magnum opus. In my heart burns the desire to be the next Octavia Butler or Alice Walker but so far, I’ve lacked focus. No discipline.
I was at an art event a few months ago, discussing my longing to write The Great American Novel with a fellow artist. She said that in today’s world, most people don’t have much of an attention span and that maybe writing a blog is the way to reach a wider audience. I thought to myself, “Well I already have a blog. It’s dusty and I haven’t tended to it in a while but…I think it’s still there.” So I went to check.
Apparently, I’d been in the middle of a depression spiral the last time I’d written. I wasn’t happy with the way I left my space. If those would’ve been my final words, I wouldn’t have been happy with them.
So, today I am writing a brief synopsis of my life journey since I eschewed Romantic Love in an effort to clarify, if only to myself, my theory of Life.
When I was about 28 or so, I got the book Be Here Now by Ram Dass while working in Little Five Points, Atlanta. Little Five Points was a spiritual hub and New Age practitioners of all kinds were drawn to it. I don’t remember exactly how the book came into my possession but I can tell you this…I’ve never read it. Seriously. I’ve meant to read it. I still have it somewhere but I’ve never really sat down and absorb the information inside. If I had, maybe so many of the things I’ve gone through could’ve been avoided. But, to what end? I like the way my life is unfolding. Crying over mistakes made negates all of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
I’ve assimilated a spiritual practice that also serves as a practical mental health routine for me. Rooted in self love, it satisfies me. I am happier. In fact, my Happiness is the driving force behind this practice and it is rooted in the words “BE HERE NOW”. Like I said, I haven’t read the book. These are just words that I use to explain living my life in The Present. Learning to Allow my Life to unfold by the moment has been freeing. Appreciating the amorphous principles of Love, Happiness, Joy and Fulfillment as the guiding forces of my life path has led me to Peace within.
I’ve also learned that there is no reason to be a starving artist. As a single mom, teacher and creative being, it is my duty to not only produce and manifest, it is my joy. I used to think material desire was a dirty thing. The desire to be wealthy is not an evil or negative force. To live well and in comfort is beautiful and manifestation incarnate. I’ve learned that in my spiritual practice it is good to have material wealth. I deserve all Good Things. There is Beauty in this.
So, I’m a little rusty and I may have deviated from my original point but…c’est la vie. Writing is weighty stuff. I’ll be back in the habit soon. Meanwhile, I will continue to do my best to live in the moment. To Be Here Now.
This is where Happiness lives.