I really want to be in love. Love is so Beautiful…but I’m not sure if my soulmate exists. 
I recently met someone that I really started to feel close to but our relationship experiences were so different that communication became impossible. Every discussion became an argument. Every conversation became painful. I tried to voice my frustration but it never seemed to register. We never even met face to face, well I remember us meeting years ago but…whatever, and the whole thing went up in flames.
My pet peeve is not feeling heard but I guess me texting “I hate you” wasn’t my finest hour. Anyway…my experiences have taught me that I don’t want to feel unheard or misunderstood. I want to be comfortable not stressed. I want to be Happy.
I think it’s bullshit to expect bullshit in relationships. You get what you give…that’s how it should be. I don’t need a perfect person. I just want someone perfect for me. Someone who listens and comforts me when I hurt. I want to be held and cherished. I want romance. People are so used to petty, sloppy emotional dealings that it seems normal, even routine, to justify bad behavior.
I want to be a partner not a burden. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who blames me for their inability to align with acceptable relationship behavior…whatever we decide it will be.
Some people judge me for my lack of long-term relationships but these same people stay in relationships rife with infidelity, complexity and dysfunction. I for one see no need to be in a relationship just because I’m afraid to go it alone. Hell…I’ve been going it alone for some time now and it’s ok.
I just need to clear my space of unbelievers. People who revel in emotional disarry. People who assume instead of listen. People who tell you their stories but don’t listen to yours. These are the Dissenters. They think that they know Love…but they don’t. Well…they don’t understand it the way I do and this is my quandry.
Is there someone on this planet who just wants to be happy, avoid bullshit and run off into the sunset with me? I don’t know…but I refuse to give up looking.
acancersworld 