Miss Piggy, Dolly Parton and Lil Ol’ Me.

On a lighter note, guess who just got back from Dollywood? This Gal! I traveled up to Pigeon Forge for a family trip and I must say…it was Awesome. Now, granted I  am not a regular on the group travel front but who says No to Dolly?

dollywood

Before embarking on this journey, I had a thought. “Wouldn’t it be Super Awesome to get a photo of Miss Parton with Miss Piggy. There just HAD to be one, right? “Why Miss Piggy?”, one may ask. To that I’d reply, “Is that a real question?”

Dolly and Miss Piggy

Over the course of my recovery from excessive depression and streamlined social interaction, I developed an teensy obsession to own Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life. I’d always wanted a copy. That book was my prepubescent introduction to High Femme Glamour. I couldn’t get enough. I would walk to the library near my house and just finger through the pages. Alas, I’d never owned a personal copy and one day, she was no longer available.

Piggy Cry

To make a long story short, after a few months of procrastinating, I ordered Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life (First Edition) for about $3.00. From the time I lovingly grasped that package from the UPS guy’s hot little hands, Miss Piggy has been my guru. Yes, Honey! I take her advice on EVERYTHING.

Piggy Kiss

Dolly Parton and Miss Piggy are like twin sister, guardian angels. Big hair, Ample Cleavage and Spunk. Yes, it was safe to assume that I’d find them together. Not ever known to disappoint, I found them in Dolly’s Chasing Rainbows Museum.

Miss Piggy says, “Whenever you are really down, just sit in front of your mirror, and remind yourself of all your talents and accomplishments and successes.”

That’s some good advice. I mean, I’ve done it and it works. I’ve also given myself quite a few “Get it Together, Bitch” talks. If moi can’t compliment herself, why expect others to do so?

maya inspiration

Now, some folks may feel a little uneasy with my being a grown behind, African American, Urban Art Mama who takes life tips from an over the top, Drama Queen like Miss Piggy. To the naysayers, I say “Kiss My Grits.” Like Kermie says, “She makes me happy.” Dolly? Well, Dolly Parton made a song called “PMS”. Enough said. Not to mention that 9 to 5 is one of my All Time Favorite movies.

9to5

So, 2017 may just go down as The Year of The Glam Queen…at least for me. I’ve been all about “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” and pretty any movies with strong, female leads. I’ve been practicing makeup techniques and even picked up my birthday gift from Sephora this year. I’m growing into my fabulous self in every aspect. As Abraham would say, I am aligning with Source. My Source just so happens to have a Grand sense of humor.

Make it rain in the forest

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

 

Be Here Now… and Other Stuff.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always. Over  the years I’ve started way more novels than I’ve finished and writing this blog has so far been my magnum opus. In my heart burns the desire to be the next Octavia Butler or Alice Walker but so far, I’ve lacked focus. No discipline.

dreamsgoals

I was at an art event a few months ago, discussing my longing to write The Great American Novel with a fellow artist. She said that in today’s world, most people don’t have much of an attention span and that maybe writing a blog is the way to reach a wider audience. I thought to myself, “Well I already have a blog. It’s dusty and I haven’t tended to it in a while but…I think it’s still there.” So I went to check.

earl-nightingale-quote

Apparently, I’d been in the middle of a depression spiral the last time I’d written. I wasn’t happy with the way I left my space. If those would’ve been my final words, I wouldn’t have been happy with them.

So, today I am writing a brief synopsis of my life journey since I eschewed Romantic Love in an effort to clarify, if only to myself, my theory of Life.

BE HERE NOW

When I was about 28 or so, I got the book Be Here Now by Ram Dass while working in Little Five Points, Atlanta. Little Five Points was a spiritual hub and New Age practitioners of all kinds were drawn to it. I don’t remember exactly how the book came into my possession but I can tell you this…I’ve never read it. Seriously. I’ve meant to read it. I still have it somewhere but I’ve never really sat down and absorb the information inside. If I had, maybe so many of the things I’ve gone through could’ve been avoided. But, to what end? I like the way my life is unfolding. Crying over mistakes made negates all of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

shrug

I’ve assimilated a spiritual practice that also serves as a practical mental health routine for me. Rooted in self love, it satisfies me. I am happier. In fact, my Happiness is the driving force behind this practice and it is rooted in the words “BE HERE NOW”. Like I said, I haven’t read the book. These are just words that I use to explain living my life in The Present. Learning to Allow my Life to unfold by the moment has been freeing. Appreciating the amorphous principles of Love, Happiness, Joy and Fulfillment  as the guiding forces of my life path has led me to Peace within.

I’ve also learned that there is no reason to be a starving artist. As a single mom, teacher and creative being, it is my duty to not only produce and manifest, it is my joy. I used to think material desire was a dirty thing. The desire to be wealthy is not an evil or negative force. To live well and in comfort is beautiful and manifestation incarnate. I’ve learned that in my spiritual practice it is good to have material wealth. I deserve all Good Things. There is Beauty in this.

So, I’m a little rusty and I may have deviated from my original point but…c’est la vie.  Writing is weighty stuff. I’ll be back in the habit soon. Meanwhile, I will continue to do my best to live in the moment. To Be Here Now.

This is where Happiness lives.

Well, Hello Dolly!

I can eat these! lol
This seems to be the first pboto I’d posted to this blog…lol. What does it mean?

I haven’t written here in a long time. Why am I writing now?

 

I just couldn’t let that last post represent me.

I am an evolving being. Prone to change. Excited to grow.

I feel that I have grown over these past months, as we humans are prone to do, and I am Happy. I am grateful for my happiness and look forward to more as I travel this life.

I am realizing that with every new day, we can be a new person. Happiness sometimes needs a boost. I’ve created a space of Active Happiness in my life. When my mind begins to circle itself and I feel a wave of negative emotion begin, it’s easier for me to switch my thinking to happier thoughts.

This is a game that I enjoy playing with myself. It’s called Activate My Happiness…and I’m a level three ninja at it now. There are infinite levels. I am excited to master them all.

So, no. I could not leave my bleak outlook unchecked. I am taking back my space. My Happy Place. My Cancer’s World.

If you know a Cancer personally, you already know how we do.

tis

 

 

Change Of Heart

 

Looking back on my life, I realize that most of the really bad decisions I’ve made have been out of some sick, sad longing for someone to fill a space within me that is unfillable. I have wasted so much time longing and hoping and giving and striving to be better. Someone who deserves to be loved. Someone lovable.

I even tried giving up on finding love and just enjoying casual affairs. It never worked. Ninety percent of the time. I didn’t enjoy it…the sex or the aftersex. Those times I did enjoy it only lead to the other person trying to control me with it.

My friends give me advice that doesn’t work for me. They tell me to wait. I have. They say work on yourself. I do. They tell me a lot of things and I know they’re trying to help but it just doesn’t apply to me. I’m a forty three year old, black, single mother. What am I waiting for? Death?

So, I’ve come to the point where I’m like fuck it. I don’t want sex. I don’t want a partner. I don’t want pity. I just want to move on with my life.

Maybe that’s what people like me have to do to be happy. Just say Fuck It All. I gave it the ol’ college try…and I know somebody’s thinking, “See now you’ll meet somebody coz you’re not looking.” To that, I say shut the fuck up. It’s really too little, too late. I could give two rat shits.

Deep breath…I know this seems like I’m angry. I’m not. Resigned is more like it. I’m not crying celibacy. I’m not saying I’m asexual or without sexuality. I’m saying that I’m tired of sex. I’m tired of swapping fluids with people. I’m tired of sex  with myself. I’m just bored with it all. Sex bores me. I can’t even muster up the desire to masturbate.

Here I lie in bed after a long weekend of sad, lingering loneliness. I went through a bunch of feelings: bitterness, jealousy, anger, sadness, hopelessness and fear. Why? It all stemmed from a loneliness so deep and consuming, I felt as if I’d fallen into a bottomless pit of pain.

I never want to feel that way again. I deserve more. I just know that if wanting a companion, a lover, a somebody to give me attention feels that bad…I choose another path. Now there’s a new life ahead of me. I walk alone on purpose. I choose me. My sanity. My journey. My spirit quest…

and nobody better offer me any bullshit advice because I I don’t want it. I know you mean well but I don’t want it.

Just be happy for me. I’ve decided to be happy. Me. By myself. Happy.

Thank you.