Day Three: All Off the Rails…but Climbing Back On.

Off-The-Rails

Yesterday, I stood up on my soapbox and announced that I would be meditating, getting supplements and making the world a better place with my efforts.

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Well, the best laid plans…or so they say. I couldn’t find the supplements that I wanted at the store. I tried meditating but ended up on social media instead and I haven’t saved the world, yet…but I’m working on it.

Are these major defeats? No. Am I being a little dramatic? Probably, but my feeling of frustration, because I’d been able to complete those tasks, is a real reaction. For a short time, I felt that I’d failed a little. As unreasonable as that may seem, it’s part of the reason I’ve  quit this  journey in the past. The small “failures” along the way chipped away at my dedication to the task at hand.  It is fun while it’s fun but when it’s time to push forward despite obstacles, that’s the time to dig in and keep moving forward. Fear is often disguised as frustration.

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I wanted to go to a party. The weather has been really wet and rainy but by the time I got ready, the rain had stopped, and it looked like a fortuitous night for adventure. I drove to where I thought the party was being held. Wrong spot…but since I’d already paid to park, I decided to play around in my truck, taking pictures of myself making funny faces. After a bit, I drove to where I’d been directed to go and still couldn’t find the party…and then it started to rain. Well, my intention was to go out. To get dressed up and flirt a little. I did that. I even took cute pictures by streetlight. So, I accomplished my goal of going out. It just didn’t turn out to be a night of dancing the night away in a crowd of strangers. I had fun, which was also one of my goals. So, I did what I planned to do. I just did it differently than I’d planned.

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Life is like that sometimes, eh? We make plans and God laughs, I think that I read that somewhere. But, I’m laughing, too. So, today I will try again to get those supplements. I will meditate…to the best of my ability. I will enjoy this rainy Labor Day and appreciate the time with my family. This is what it means to enjoy life. It means laughing when things don’t turn out the way we want them to turn out. It means picking yourself up when the Crazy Train rolls over you. It means looking forward to a new day as a new start to a new scene in the movie of your life. I’m the Director. Action!

Living My Best Life. It’s Possible!

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My current situation is that I am still a work in process. At this moment I am an unemployed teacher, single mom, artist, writer and frustrated member of this society. Now, see how I listed the ‘negative’ aspects of my life first? It wasn’t intentional. I just started listing who I am at this moment.

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This is what we do. Usually, we focus on what’s wrong in our lives instead of what’s good. As humans in this modern-day life experience, our lives have been guided by: other’s expectations, societal ‘norms’ and other outside forces. Why? We GIVE these forces outside of ourselves the power to control us. How disappointing to come into this life happy and carefree, only to conform to the unhappiness around us.

Life doesn’t have to be this way. As I sit here, pondering life in the morning light of my second mother’s house, I refuse to accept a feeling of failure. Last week, I was made aware that someone, ironically a woman who shares the same birthday as me, had been giving me bad references. I’d been on a series of interviews that seemed successful but offers of employment were being rescinded. This made me angry, frustrated and disappointed. All I’ve ever wanted to do is teach but my efforts to do so seemed to be thwarted at every turn.

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For a few days I was despondent and inconsolable. I felt like a victim, which is not a very empowering way to feel. So, now, I’m taking my power back. I know what I must do and the only way to succeed is to use the tools at my disposal.

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I’ve had the best life coaches and I found many of them online. One good thing about this digital world is that information is accessible, easy to find and shareable. Over the years I’ve followed videos by: Louise Hay, Napoleon Hill, Wayne Dyer, Earl Nightingale and others. I’ve been a member of empowerment groups, personal development groups and spiritual groups. I’ve consulted shamans and sages. Been to sweats and churches. I know what to do. So now is the time to do it…and I hope that this journey will resonate with others and inspire them to do it, too.

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Self-Empowerment is a lifestyle. A choice. A state of being. I’ve been on the train so many times and got sidetracked. I’ve found that a mixture of short term and long-term goals may be the key.

For the next thirty days, I will set daily goals that put me on a path to accomplish my long-term goal. This journey is part journal, part methodology and part following my inner guidance. I’m excited about this and look forward to successfully accomplishing what I want.

Now, Who Else Want Some?

It’s no secret that I am no fan of The GOP. They can’t even believe what a monster their party has unleashed upon the galaxy in the form of Donald “The Don” Trump. I am not here to address that hottest of hot messes. No. This time I just have a couple of bones to pick. I am here to roast the people who leave asinine comments on social media posts. I am here today to release the Kraken.

I live in one of the most notorious states in the USA. Florida…also known as Tennesee with a tan. It’s so racist here that an armed idiot: shot down a child walking home from the store, got away with doing it and then…sold the murder weapon online. That’s just one bold, bright, shining example of what I’m dealing with here.

Racism is so rank and rabid here that it fouls the air. Literally, the stench of abject poverty seems to waft from many of our lesser affluent areas. The LAST thing I want to read on Facebook is some jackass jumping on one of my posts, bitchin’ about Affirmative Action or President Obama or whatever, especially in the light of our countries latest Police Killing/Police Killed situation.  So, let me be clear (Yes. You should hear President Obama’s voice every time you read that phrase).

Stay in your lane…or at least on your own page. I don’t give a rat’s fat a$$ how you feel about Affirmative Action because I have yet to be given a job when a more highly qualified white man applied. All of that malarky is just empty rhetoric, spewed to rouse the closet racists. “Oh, woe is me. A black woman got MY job. The job I deserved. Even though she has two Ph.d’s and speaks 7 languages, that job was MINE.” Miss me with that bs, as the kids say.

I am obviously and PROUDLY an African American woman. See the picture? Please don’t expect me to co-sign any of that Blue Lives Matter/All Lives Matter/ All Labs Matter horse pucky. I LOVE my community. I know that the police are overworked, underpaid, stressed out and abused. The STATE is who they should picket for more pay, better benefits and better training…oh, and mental health support. We need them. On the other hand, many of them are out there in bad mental shape and out of control. They need help…but somebody’s gotta stop the killing. Who will it be?

YES. I am disappointed that Bernie endorsed Hillary. We all are because she’s an entitled, elitist, Monsanto loving devil. But, I don’t hate Hillary enough to hand over our country to that pig f**ker, The Don, either. I plan to vote against every single incumbent in Congress. We just need them out of there. Congress has been owned by Satan for too long. Kick ’em out because at this point, that’s the only place change will take hold.

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Ok…I feel better. Now it’s time to dedicate my energy to something more useful. Meditation. I’ve already taken some time to do it this morning but after all of this political talk, my soul could use another aromatherapy massage.

Oh! I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. Messenger, too.  It’s been so much more peaceful around the farm lately.

 

 

Something I like to listen to while working or meditating.

Solfeggio Master Frequency

I am my own project. Meaning that as I grow in my spiritual journey, my mundane experiences are exhibiting more maturity. This concept really only resonates with us free thinkers but…I feel that it’s true.

Since my sex fast a few months ago, many of the sources of entertainment I sought just don’t interest me anymore. That fast set me on a journey of exploration which lead me to healing frequencies.

I tried one about three months ago. I’d had a really irritating headache for several hours but didn’t want to take more OTC drugs. I was trolling the internet for natural remedies to headaches when a bunch of Youtube videos for headache healing frequencies popped up. I picked one…and have been in love with binaurals ever since.

The Secret…as I see it.

“Embrace the Knowledge that everything I ask for I will receive.”

This morning I woke up with a new fire burning within in me. I needed to break some bad habits but I was struggling with method and intergration of change into my life. This new desire to find a guide or a signal spurred me to read through my journal to see if I could stumble onto a clue. I did. I found a clue.

I found the quote above in my journal. It was nestled amidst a stream of mantras I’d written for myself. Mantras I obviously forgot because they’d gone ignored while I continued to wander confused. But the words, “Embrace the knowledge that everything I ask for I will receive” seemed to leap from the page and into my spirit.

I realized that reason I don’t receive the things I want is because I don’t ask. I have been timid and shy when it comes to putting myself first. This had to stop! I am worthy of all that I desire. I need to be forthcoming with The Universe. It’s up to me to say exactly what I want and expect to get it. It’s also my responsibility to KNOW what I want when I ask. That requires getting in touch with myself like I’m a new lover. I  want to impress myself. I manifest my best to myself. This is self love and I love me some ME.

I’m coming up with my list of wants right now.

What’s on your list?

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