Day Three: All Off the Rails…but Climbing Back On.

Off-The-Rails

Yesterday, I stood up on my soapbox and announced that I would be meditating, getting supplements and making the world a better place with my efforts.

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Well, the best laid plans…or so they say. I couldn’t find the supplements that I wanted at the store. I tried meditating but ended up on social media instead and I haven’t saved the world, yet…but I’m working on it.

Are these major defeats? No. Am I being a little dramatic? Probably, but my feeling of frustration, because I’d been able to complete those tasks, is a real reaction. For a short time, I felt that I’d failed a little. As unreasonable as that may seem, it’s part of the reason I’ve  quit this  journey in the past. The small “failures” along the way chipped away at my dedication to the task at hand.  It is fun while it’s fun but when it’s time to push forward despite obstacles, that’s the time to dig in and keep moving forward. Fear is often disguised as frustration.

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I wanted to go to a party. The weather has been really wet and rainy but by the time I got ready, the rain had stopped, and it looked like a fortuitous night for adventure. I drove to where I thought the party was being held. Wrong spot…but since I’d already paid to park, I decided to play around in my truck, taking pictures of myself making funny faces. After a bit, I drove to where I’d been directed to go and still couldn’t find the party…and then it started to rain. Well, my intention was to go out. To get dressed up and flirt a little. I did that. I even took cute pictures by streetlight. So, I accomplished my goal of going out. It just didn’t turn out to be a night of dancing the night away in a crowd of strangers. I had fun, which was also one of my goals. So, I did what I planned to do. I just did it differently than I’d planned.

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Life is like that sometimes, eh? We make plans and God laughs, I think that I read that somewhere. But, I’m laughing, too. So, today I will try again to get those supplements. I will meditate…to the best of my ability. I will enjoy this rainy Labor Day and appreciate the time with my family. This is what it means to enjoy life. It means laughing when things don’t turn out the way we want them to turn out. It means picking yourself up when the Crazy Train rolls over you. It means looking forward to a new day as a new start to a new scene in the movie of your life. I’m the Director. Action!

What really grinds my gears…

     This morning is about letting go. I could be upset that my insurance company screwed me, yet again, but what would that do? I could be upset that because my insurance company screwed me and now I don’t have money to pay my phone bill, but again, why? Today is the day I let go.

     As a Cancer, I am prone to high emotional states. When I’m happy, I’m ecstatic! When I’m sad, I’m depressed. I can be a barrel of laughs or a shrieking harpy…although in my defense, I’ve curbed the screaming considerably since becoming a parent. It scares the children…lol.

     So, instead of allowing myself to become upset over these material discomforts, I’ve decided to go within. I will not call the insurance company and go through the whole ritual of waiting on hold, talking to agents, waiting on hold again, etc. It’ll only make me upset…and still will not change the outcome. I will not call the phone company and beg for an extension. I will not call my parents and ask them for money, even though I’m sure they’d give it to me. 

     Nope. Today this Crab will meditate. She will write. She will relax and have a good day. Tomorrow the bill will be paid. Tomorrow I will take a trip to the beach and watch the karate students graduate to their next level. All that will happen tomorrow. Today is for me. 

     Woosah…